If tears are an indication of how special my relationship with my mother was, I cry with pride! I've come to see grief as pain with a purpose. Interestingly enough, as I cared for my mother in my home the last several weeks of her life, much of what I had learned through spiritual teachings about death had gone out the window. It seemed as though I were losing her forever! At times, I wallowed in sadness and self-pity.
Living life in slow motion, I gazed off into my own inner space, sobbed, and occasionally argued with that part of my mind that did not want my mother to go. Even what I had learned about self-care was not accessible to me since I seemed to exist 'in a fog.' I wasn't getting enough sleep and I felt scared and alone; but not for long!
I finally came to rest on the spiritual foundation that has carried me this far in life. What a respite those teachings became as I was able to see my grief as a journey of spiritual unfoldment. Grief is a normal and natural reaction to loss yet our society seems to hurry along the feelings around transitions that take time to heal. We grieve what could have been and what we feel 'should' have been, along with not being able to see our loved one again, on Earth anyway!
The grief that I felt was really just me focusing on the idea that her life was ending. Using Spiritual principles, I was able to then focus on the truth, which is that Spirit, which is who we really are, is eternal! She too, would live on?
I feel like a large part of me died along with my mother. Maybe it was a part of me that was ready to be put at rest. Her death has created a void in me that I can choose to fill as I'd like. As I open up even more to greater spiritual understanding, I am learning to trust the whole process of life, including death.
I have come to see this "mourning after" as a time to heal, to heal unprocessed sadness in my life, including disappointments from relationships, jobs ending sooner than I would have liked, losing beloved pets, and moving from town to town as I grew up. There are opportunities inherent in life's changes that are a gateway to greater personal and spiritual growth. The dynamics of change can be stepping stones to open up to the fullness of God's love.
I received a card from a friend that said, "When the sea recedes, many treasures and gifts appear that otherwise never would have been noticed." From a metaphysical or symbolic perspective, I can look at my mother's death as being the sea receding. Her death, part of the natural ebb and flow of life, brought me many gifts.
Grieving the loss of my mother involved surrender. There came a point where I had to let go and let God, and what a blessing that was! I gradually remembered all that I had been taught around eternal life and the truth that she reemerged into pure positive energy as she "went home" to God. Another gift I was reminded of when, through "coincidence" I ended up in the office of a wonderful spiritual therapist, is that we are always being guided and we are never alone. Perhaps my grief is just God's love washing over me. I can't seem to get away from God's goodness!
It is her death that inspires me to move forward and get clear about what I would like to experience in the next stage of my life. Similar to her spiritual ascension, I feel that I am reemerging into the rest of my life with a more grounded belief in the idea that the Loving Intelligence that created us and all of life is ever present, guiding and directing our ways.
God, you are the love that washes away what no longer serves me. During this time of grief, I ask that you wash away any limiting belief I have that would hold me back.